


The Price of Glory

by ZealousCrow



Category: NieR: Automata (Video Game)
Genre: Character Deaths, Character Study, Gen, Survivor Guilt, coping with emotions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-15
Updated: 2017-03-15
Packaged: 2018-10-05 17:52:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10313759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZealousCrow/pseuds/ZealousCrow
Summary: YoRHa's commander struggles with the advent of emotions, her duties and loss.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first thing I've written in a long long time so please excuse me if it sounds... rusty, I guess? I came to the Nier archive after finishing ending A desperate for some kind of content to fill the void and found there was very little, most of it being the really disgusting end of porn, so... here we are. It inspired me enough to start writing again!
> 
> I don't know anything other than what's covered in ending A/B so if I write something that doesn't fit with canon, please, please don't spoil it for me! Thank you and I hope this is okay to read :)

A commander’s duty, first and foremost, is to her soldiers. To be harsh, to discipline, but to remain impartial and just. To make the difficult decisions when the odds are stacked against her, to bear the brunt of the sacrifices that must be made for the greater good.

For YoRHa’s commander, this duty is becoming ever more difficult.

These traits are written into her code, that much is true. But humans never truly accounted for the potential of their creations – the ability to adapt is both a blessing and a curse in an environment so unforgivingly cruel. Emotions are prohibited. At first, this was a simple rule to enforce. But even for beings programmed without them, the toll of endless war brings suffering. Loss. Mourning. Love, even, and rare, rare moments of joy in triumph.

There was a time when the commander thought herself above such vulnerabilities. She held no use for them, after all – what benefit did the hesitation of attachment bring in the face of an almost unstoppable enemy? It only presented a risk, something to be exploited to the detriment of the androids she leads. And yet… with each failure, with each life lost, an intangible weight came to settle on her shoulders.

She didn’t want to care. She doesn’t want to _feel_.

No matter how many times she tells herself that, every loss hurts even more.

Expression vacant and solemn, she stares out of the bunker window. Even looking out into the calm, empty depths of space offers no reprieve. The scars of previous conflict run deep there as well. Debris from lost bunkers is visible in every direction; hers is one of the last. Where there were once so many soldiers, now there are but a handful in comparison, very few of which have existed long enough to comprehend the true length of the fight they are forced to involve themselves with. Even Earth, so distant from where she stands, is becoming almost unrecognisable. The green of lush pastures fades to grey, brown, the colours of ruin, more with each passing decade.

_When we win, when mankind can return home… What will be left? Will there be a world worth calling home at all?_

Her fist clenches at the thought. Will it all be for naught? Will the sacrifice have been in vain? The thought is overwhelming. 12H. 11B. 7E. 1D. 4B. It has been mere days since she lost them all. She remembers their screams as they were vaporised, each of them gone in a second. If androids could dream, she is certain they would haunt her nightmares. Instead, they keep her company in each waking moment.

There was nothing she could do; logically, she realises this. But she is the reason they were there, in the wrong place at the wrong time – she authorised that mission. She failed to account for the enemy’s defences, and lives were lost. Logical analysis does little to assuage the guilt.

And now she faces the prospect of having lost the only two survivors from that mission. In the aftermath of the battle with the largest goliath class machine ever recorded, neither 2B or 9S can be traced through their black boxes. Nor can any of the other units involved. Despite herself, she fears the worst. Fear is still a relatively new concept, and mixed with the sensation she can only describe as ‘compassion’, it is almost unbearable.

How will she deal with the loss of yet more valued soldiers in such a short time frame, logistically and, dare she consider it, emotionally? Particularly ones she has grown so abnormally attached to. What if –

“Commander, this is Operator 6O with an urgent message. Do you read me?”

Mercifully, a notification from the Pod she brought with her silences that train of thought before it becomes too much.

“I read you. Go ahead, 6O.”

“We have a signal from 2B, ma’am! She survived the blast!” 6O sounds overcome with relief, and the news brings similar relief to the commander. “I can’t believe it, I was so worr—I mean! What are your orders, commander? Should we wait for her to make contact or send out search and rescue now?”

Thoughts clearing, she reassumes the collected façade needed to lead. “Prepare rescue efforts immediately, but keep the line open for communications from 2B. The moment she does, patch her over to me.”

The moment 2B wakes, she will go straight after 9S. This much the commander knows, and she needs to make sure this doesn’t lead to self-sacrificing choices.

“Yes ma’am. We haven’t detected any trace of 9S yet, though.”

“Keep searching,” she says, not betraying the worry that remains beneath the surface. “I am returning to control immediately. Keep things running until I arrive.”

“Understood, commander. Glory to mankind!” It’s completely unnecessary to sign off this way, but she understands why 6O says it with such fervour. In uncertain times, clinging to old mantras gives a sense of purpose, something to rally around when the odds are stacked against you.

“Glory to mankind.”

_Glory indeed… but at what cost to the androids who serve to provide it?_

She turns away from the window and begins on the path back to the control centre, heart still heavy but knowing deep down she has no right to give up now. There are still lives she can save. Her soldiers need her more than ever.


End file.
